Oh, honey. Strategy’s stock is now basically a Bitcoin fan with commitment issues-trading below its own crypto stash. Iconic, really. A company built on the rise of Bitcoin is now sitting in the corner, whispering, “It’s just a phase.”
The Never-Ending Bitcoin Shopping Spree
Last week, our Virginia-based hero added 17,994 BTC to its collection, dropping $1.28 billion like it’s hot. Average price? A cool $70,946 per coin. That’s right, 102nd purchase, 11th straight week of “I’m definitely not panicking” energy. Someone get this company a shopping intervention.
So, Strategy’s Bitcoin vault is now worth $52.65 billion, but its market cap is like, “Oh, I’m just gonna chill at $47 billion.” The gap? Oh, it’s screaming, “Plot twist incoming!” Investors are popcorn-ready.
Enter Michael Saylor, the ultimate Bitcoin cheerleader, taking to X (because where else?) to calm the masses. “Chill, guys,” he basically said, “Bitcoin’s just fashionably late to the moon party.” Sure, Jan.
You know there’s a delay between the time we buy the Bitcoin and the time Bitcoin goes to the moon.
– Michael Saylor (@saylor) March 12, 2026
At the time of writing, Bitcoin’s lounging at $70,800, leaving Strategy with a cozy $3.35 billion in unrealized losses. Ouch. But hey, who’s counting?
Saylor’s “Trust Me” Tour Continues
Losses? Pfft. Saylor’s not sweating it. In a recent Fox Business cameo, he painted a rosy picture: “As long as Bitcoin grows 1.25% annually, we’re golden.” Bold. Also, if prices stay flat, they’ve got 80 years to figure it out. Casual.
His long-term vibe? Bitcoin’s gonna grow 30% annually for two decades. Sure, why not? Meanwhile, analysts are like, “Hey, Coinbase Premium’s up-demand’s looking spicy.” If Bitcoin holds above $70,000, next stop: $74,000-$75,000. Coincidentally, that’s Strategy’s average purchase price. Awkward.
Will it happen soon? Or will Saylor’s “later” turn into “never”? Stay tuned for this episode of Crypto Drama: The Never-Ending Saga. Popcorn not included.
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2026-03-14 21:40