Ray Dalio

After years of political tango-steps forward, steps back-the government has finally decided to waltz with certainty. The Ministry of Economy and Finance, with a flourish of its quill, declares the tax shall stand. No more delays, no more scraps of hope for the tax-averse. Moon Kyung-ho, the maestro of income tax, proclaims from his Seoul pulpit: “The virtual asset tax, a mere 20%, is a gentle caress compared to the comprehensive taxation that could have been.” A caress, indeed, with an additional 2% local income tax, bringing the total to a modest 22%.

Enter Mikkybull, crypto’s latest prophet of profit, who’s pointing at a chart that looks suspiciously like a wonky staircase. Three trendlines-lower, middle, upper-arranged in a way that makes you wonder if someone just drew over a graph while sleep-deprived. XRP has now hit the lower trendline for only the third time in its history. Twice before, this “critical level” sent it into a moonshot. Let’s just say the odds are better than your chances of winning the lottery… if the lottery was run by a caffeinated hedge fund manager with a penchant for chaos.

Unrealized losses on digital assets and equity securities reached $368.7 million, almost the entire shortfall. Stock-based compensation added $11.8 million, alongside $11.5 million of accreted interest. Nothing like rewarding employees with shares that are now worthless, but hey, at least it’s tax-deductible!

CZ, ever the surprise, admitted that crypto’s evolution has diverged from his blueprints. Payments, he lamented, remain as thrilling as a Sunday crossword puzzle, despite the glories of crypto cards. Meanwhile, the U.S. institutions have charged ahead like thoroughbreds out of the gates, spurred by a regulatory pivot so dramatic it would make a Broadway producer weep. “The U.S. did a 180,” CZ mused, “a testament to the Constitution’s flair for dramatic irony. One president, a repressive regime, and then… well, democracy, my dear.”