Behold, the mighty Donald J. Trump, conductor of the chaos train, declared on his personal soapbox, Truth Social, that Iran has “just informed us” they’ve entered a “State of Collapse.” One might think this is the plot of a low-budget Hollywood film, but no-it’s just another Tuesday in the Middle East! Or is it a Mel Brooks’ Silent Movie reimagined as a geopolitical thriller?
Trump then casually mentioned Iran wants to reopen the Strait of Hormuz “ASAP” while they “figure out their leadership situation.” Imagine! A country trying to sort out who’s in charge while the rest of us try to sort out why oil prices are doing the cha-cha. It’s like watching a reality show where everyone’s eliminated in the first episode!
Oil prices, ever the drama queen, soared above $100 per barrel today-a number that used to make people blush. Just 11 days ago, USOIL was flirting with $80, thanks to a “peace deal” and promises to reopen the Strait. But then, surprise! Iran closed it again, and oil prices bounced back like a trampoline. After Trump’s latest proclamation, though, oil dipped below $100, proving even $100 can’t handle the psychological trauma of geopolitics.
Meanwhile, Bitcoin, that lovable rollercoaster with a broken safety bar, plummeted below $76,000 to hit a weekly low. Yesterday, it tried to scale $79,500 like a caffeinated squirrel, but now it’s shedding over $3,500 faster than a Fed meeting agenda. And what’s the Fed doing? Presumably, they’ll conclude their third FOMC meeting of the year with the same conclusion as every other meeting: “Hey, let’s not change anything.” Yet BTC still plummets like it’s allergic to stability. Coincidence? Or a cosmic omen whispered by Alan Greenspan’s ghost?
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2026-04-28 17:01