Trump Wants Crypto Glory – And a Pardon for CZ? 🤡💰

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Amid the frostbitten rhetoric of power and redemption, Donald Trump stood – not at a podium, but in the trembling light of a 60 Minutes spotlight – and declared, with the solemnity of a man unveiling a new brand of toothpaste, that America must become the world’s crypto capital.

Yes. The same America where stability is measured not in dollars, nor in trust, but in stablecoin pumps and post-prison Twitter likes. The interview slithered to a close like a snake shedding its skin – 90 minutes of politics, and crypto appeared at the very end, unexpected, slick, and smelling faintly of Binance.

Enter CZ: The Pardoned Prodigal Son of Blockchain 🛐🚀

Certainly, the universe winks in patterns too absurd for irony. Ten days ago, Changpeng Zhao – CZ, the man who once ruled a digital empire, then fell like Icarus into a DOJ furnace – was pardoned. He admitted guilt, yes, in 2023, to Bank Secrecy Act violations. Four months in prison. A $4.3 billion settlement – loose change for some, a small country’s GDP for others.

And Norah O’Donnell, bless her CBS soul, had the audacity to ask: “Uh, Mr. President? Terrorists moved money through Binance. Seriously, what gives?”

Trump’s answer? “I don’t know the guy. Fake news. Biden witch hunt.” 🧙‍♂️🔮 (Never mind that the pardon made someone very, very rich – more on that later.)

Related Reading: Crypto News Today: Coinbase Denies Claims It Favors Trump, Calls Them Ridiculous | Live Bitcoin News

O’Donnell, relentless, circled the stablecoin – USD1, launched by, surprise, World Liberty Financial – a project co-owned by the Trump family. Suddenly Binance, post-pardon, decided to list it. The price? Poof! From $127M to over $2.1B. The financial equivalent of a firework in zero gravity – dazzling, loud, and suspiciously well-timed.

Trump? “Oh, I knew nothing about that.” Then, like a magician changing the topic mid-trick, he pivoted: “Crypto is the future! Taxes will be lower! America will win again!”

When pressed further, he sighed, as a man might at a relentless housefly, and said, “I’m not concerned.” Not about corruption. Not about optics. Not even about common sense. Just: not concerned. The White House was, naturally, summoned. But answers are like honor in Washington – in short supply.

The Family That Trades Together, Gets Rich Together 💸👨‍👦‍👦

Lo and behold, the Trump family’s World Liberty Financial holds majority stake in USD1. And who powered the tech under it? Binance. Who invested $2 billion into CZ’s new venture using that very stablecoin? MGX, an Emirati fund with more opacity than a smoked mirror.

Thus, a circle spins: Trump pardons CZ → Binance boosts USD1 → USD1 attracts Gulf money → Gulf money flows back to CZ → CZ tweets gratitude → Trump says crypto is “great.” It’s not a conflict of interest; it’s performance art. 💅

Yet, as expected, both companies deny, deny, deny. “No deals! No lobbying! No back-pocket favors!” Binance’s lawyer insisted. “CZ didn’t do it.” World Liberty added: “We never talked about the pardon. Not even a whisper.” Right. And snow doesn’t melt in Miami.

Senator Elizabeth Warren, ever the Cassandra of corruption, shook her head. “He pleaded guilty. Now he’s boosting Trump’s coin. Then gets pardoned? This isn’t politics – it’s a mob movie with better Wi-Fi.” 📶🔥

Representative Jerry Nadler called it a “shameful abuse of power” – which, coming from Congress, is like a fox calling the henhouse management “a bit lax.”

Even Joe Lonsdale, Palantir co-founder and Trump-aligned thinker, whispered: “He’s terribly advised.” Code for: “Y’all are cooking with gasoline.”

In the end, amid the noise and the neon promises, Trump grinned. Crypto is “likely great,” he said. CZ, fresh from prison and grace, thanked him on X (formerly Twitter). Promised to help build the crypto capital of the world.

And so we sail – not into the future, but into the fever dream of deregulated finance, where pardons have ROI, and justice is just another token waiting to pump. 🚀🤡

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2025-11-04 03:31