Oh, how charming – Bermuda, a place where the only thing faster than the speed of light is the government’s decision to go onchain. Say hello to the world’s first “fully on-chain national economy,” because nothing says “I’m a modern nation” like replacing your currency with a blockchain.
Residents will now be able to receive wages, pay merchants, and settle government fees via digital wallets. Because who needs physical cash when you can just… tap your phone and hope the internet doesn’t fail? (Spoiler: It will.)
Government agencies are “piloting” stablecoin payments. Because nothing says “innovation” like using a cryptocurrency that’s supposed to be stable, but also, you know, a cryptocurrency. Financial institutions will “integrate tokenization tools.” Which, in 2026, is just a fancy way of saying “we’re trying to look tech-savvy.”
“Stable infrastructure that scales.”
Yes, because nothing says “scalable” like a government that once had to import its own water.
– Stellar (@StellarOrg) May 12, 2026
The economic case? Local merchants currently pay 3-5% in card fees. But hey, if you’re already paying 10% in “effective costs,” why not just hand over your money to a blockchain and call it a day?
The Premier, E. David Burt, says digital dollars and Stellar’s “infrastructure” will “deliver systemic change.” Which, in other words, means they’re hoping the blockchain magic will fix all their problems. (Spoiler: It won’t.)
Because, apparently, Stellar was “purpose-built” for this. Which is just a fancy way of saying “we picked the least controversial option.” Transactions settle in seconds? Great! Now we can all feel the thrill of watching our savings vanish faster than a politician’s promises.
Bermuda’s regulatory framework? A “comprehensive digital asset framework” from 2018. Which, in layman’s terms, means they’ve had 8 years to figure this out. And yet, here we are.
Denelle Dixon says Bermuda has “regulatory clarity, an aligned ecosystem, and a government willing to lead.” Which is just code for “we’re the first to try this, so please don’t laugh.”
This isn’t Stellar’s first rodeo. The Marshall Islands gave everyone money via blockchain last year. Because nothing says “universal basic income” like a cryptocurrency that’s probably going to crash.
So, here’s to Bermuda: the first nation to prove that blockchain can be both a solution and a very expensive joke. Stay tuned for the sequel: “Bermuda’s Onchain Collapse: A Documentary.”
Cover image from ChatGPT, XLMUSD chart on Tradingview
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2026-05-13 15:07